This whole breaking free from guilt thing is as much a path to living my best life here on earth as it is a path to transcending that life and the human condition. From the moment my knees hit the floor every morning, I am on a mission to not only break free of my living hell, but to also tap into that part of me that is connected, knowing, and eternal – the part I had forgotten. My spirituality is the part that sustains me and keeps me in the game and in my wonder and that ultimately gets me through the hardest of the times and the darkest of the days. It’s also the part that I’ll never be done exploring and pursuing…I want to know all the answers, I want to keep pulling the thread, I want to see how far I can go and how much I can burn through in this life I’ve been given.
Its amazing through my sinful nature, how easy it is to shy away in embarrassment from God, my church, and my spiritual mentors around me. My actions have inflicted deep wounds to myself that can only be healed by asking for forgiveness. My request for forgiveness prayer is all too well versed. The key though, is to forgive yourself because you are already forgiven. Repetition of morally wrong behavior is part of our unconsciously programmed mind. Whats your vice? We all have them. We would be perfect if we didnt. Its so easy to ignore our instincts, or morals, even our simple needs. Take a step back today and ask yourself; what does your body NEED? hydration maybe? What does your mind NEED? A 5 minute uninterrupted break from you computer screen? What does your soul NEED? Love? Reach out and ask someone my favorite command: “tell me something good”, I love asking people this. You watch them sit back and have to actually think about it. They usually struggle for a second, and then, a smile creeps on their lips and you both feel a little love and warmth when they reveal their answer, their version of what is good.
We are all broken and messy, but we are also ABLE. We are able to learn from past mistakes, and sometimes to do the right thing is much simpler than you make it out to be. Just listen to yourself, your heart. Is what I am gossiping about feel good to say? Do the lyrics of this song I am listening to make me feel happy? Do I agree with the moral characteristics of the conversation at hand? Do what feels GOOD and RIGHT and MORAL to you. After all, at the end of the day, you are the one that has to live with it.
.>>Actual practice:I read “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young almost every day (its just a short daily devotional and food for thought every morning), I seek weekly conversations with my spiritual mentors (for me, these are parental figures and worship and believe in the same higher power) and I recently have found my nose in a book that betters me personally. If you’re interested in my current reads, just ask!
*** This blog is directed towards someone who has been in my life a VERY long time. She is one of the few who never ridiculed me in our childhood and we have reunited in good healthy conversation. I love you. You’re not alone. I know we will be friends until the end. You are AMAZING!!!